he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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