That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize