I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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