She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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