and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
