We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
