i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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