I hate your face
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
