Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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