i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
