I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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