I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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