so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
