I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
