is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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