went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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