Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I touched a dick in church today
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize