Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
