Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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