if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All the doctor said was why
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
