This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
