I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize