his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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