fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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