So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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