he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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