Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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