I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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