I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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