omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
