So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
