i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
