thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
