I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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