The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need water and some morals
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think i got beer on your cat.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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