making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
