and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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