2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
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That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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