dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize