He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
