8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's official drugs can't kill me
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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