At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
