this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They have beer where we have blood.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
