why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
