We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
