I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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