: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
