your thong is hanging out like whoa
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
