He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
