That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
