I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
