Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
