I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize