I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
