made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
