Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
