Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
