I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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