i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
