What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
