some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
