Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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