Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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